The Currency of Attention
The Currency of Attention.
I’ve developed a theory lately: genuine attention has become our scarcest resource.
Not sex. Not physical touch. Not even companionship. But the experience of being truly, completely attended to – observed without distraction, listened to without interruption, touched with full presence.
Last month, a new client booked an overnight arrangement. Successful businessman, divorced twice, outwardly confident. He arrived with an expensive bottle of wine and a carefully cultivated air of casual sophistication that felt rehearsed.
After dinner, he launched into stories about his recent business victory, his beach house renovation, his collection of rare watches. The practiced monologue of a man accustomed to impressing. I noticed his eyes constantly checking for my reaction, measuring my response to each achievement mentioned.
When we finally moved toward physical intimacy, something unexpected happened. I took his face in my hands and simply looked at him – really looked – without saying anything. His entire demeanor changed instantly. The performance collapsed. His eyes filled with tears.
“No one has looked at me like that in years,” he whispered.
Not desire. Not admiration. Just complete, undivided attention.
We spent the rest of the night barely touching – him talking about his childhood, his fears about aging, his strained relationship with his adult kids. Things he’d never articulated to anyone, he claimed. Not because the topics were particularly taboo, but because he’d never felt fully seen long enough to risk revealing them.
I’ve replicated this experiment countless times since then. With almost every client, I’ll create a moment of pure attention – putting down my glass, turning fully toward them, and simply observing with complete presence. The response is almost always visceral. A visible exhale. A softening. Sometimes tears.
We’ve created a world of continuous partial attention. Conversations happen while checking phones. Sex occurs while mentally reviewing to-do lists. Even therapy sessions – literally paid attention – often involve clinicians glancing at screens or watching clocks.
What I provide isn’t just companionship or physical release, but the increasingly rare luxury of being the absolute center of someone’s complete focus. No distractions, no divided consciousness, no performance of listening while mentally elsewhere.
I’ve come to believe this is what many are truly purchasing – not my body or my time, but my full, undiluted attention. The experience of temporarily being the most important person in someone’s world.
Maybe true intimacy isn’t what we do together, but the quality of presence we bring to those moments.
Tonight, try this with someone you care about: put down your phone, turn toward them fully, and simply pay attention – complete, generous, undivided attention – for five uninterrupted minutes. Their response might surprise you.
With presence,
Alessandra